Allow Students To Pursue Their Dreams, Not Ours

Phil Black entered the Shark Tank with an impressive résumé that included an undergraduate degree from Yale, a graduate degree from Harvard Business, an early career at Goldman Sachs, and six years as a Navy SEAL. After unsuccessfully making his pitch, Kevin O’Learry, aka Mr. Wonderful, shames him, “I don’t get you. You’re résumé is very impressive [but] it does not equate to a deck of cards. You’re destined for much greater things than this.”

Despite the chastising, Phil Black left satisfied, pledging to continue his dream of making FitDeck more successful. While Mr. Wonderful probably meant no harm, his comments reminded me of well-meaning parents or teachers who push children to become something they don’t want to be.

Seven years ago, I taught Mike in ninth grade World History. Recently I ran into him while shopping when he dropped a bombshell.

He had dropped out of college.

Upon telling me, my gaping jaw led him to quickly reassure me, “It’s what I wanted to do. College wasn’t for me.” Obviously, he had explained this too many times to count as he continued, “I knew it [college] wasn’t right, but I went there because it’s what my parents expected of me. Freshman year went fine, but by my sophomore year, I stopped caring. I made up excuses. My grades weren’t good, so I dropped out.”

“I’m going to go to a tech school and either work on motorcycles, cars, or even helicopters. It’s what I’ve wanted to do.” With my college first mindset stomped on, I stood numb, but recognized Mike was right.

With 20-20 hindsight, it began to make sense. As a high schooler, Mike simply went through the motions to please his family and teachers. He adopted the values and rules of his teachers and peers. He diligently completed his work to ensure parental and peer approval, but inside he hurt.

His autonomy had been robbed from him. Instead of learning, he simply completed assignments, while feeling emasculated and ambivalent. During college, he began to defy expectations. Fortunately, like Phil Black, Mike figured out what he wanted.

As parents and teachers, we must provide autonomy to our students and children. Instead of forcing rules and expectations upon them, allow them the independence to make their own choices. Support their efforts with love and devotion. Allow them to be true to themselves.

Your Back to School Letter

At the end of the first day of school, students will be caring home 4, 5, 6, 7 back to school letters to their parents. Multiply that by the number of children and you can easily approach two-dozen letters! A cynic might say, “That’s why I don’t write a back to school letter. Parents don't read 'em anyway."

Maybe that explains why, as a teacher and parent, I've seen my fair share of bad back to school letters. These would be the letters that are: 

• riddled with misspellings and grammatical errors.
• too long; Listing every intricate detail, procedure and rule
• threatening in tone. Overuse of statements like “I will not,” “…will result in…” I still remember a student sharing a letter from a teacher that read something like, “My job is to teach the students. It is their responsibility to adapt to my style and to learn.”  Needless to say, the student wasn’t looking forward to this class; who can blame her?

On the other hand, a great back to school letter sets the tone for parent-teacher-student engagement.

What's included in a great back to school letter?

• Your passion for your subject and your students. Why do you teach? What do you hope students will bet out of your class? What will students learn about themselves? 
• Something personal--break down the walls. Learning should be a shared endeavor; so let your parents and students get to know who you really are.
• How are you going to ensure that all students are successful?
• Contact information. I've always included my personal phone number and only once in 20 years has it been any sort of problem (1 prank phone call from a student). 
• What parents can do to help their children be successful in your class.
• What makes your class different--and better--than the rest.

Powerful words and phrases:

Shared                        Journey                      Exciting                    Together       

We                             Incredible                   Success                     Effort

Connect                     Communication          Develop                    Engaging

Expect                       Learn                          Progress                    Us

Contact me                Background                Looking forward to   Believe

Different                    Care                            Challenge                  Help

What do you think should or shouldn't be included in a back to school letter? 

Parents, do you read them? Do they matter?